What Do You Understand...Mom...

What do you understand...Mom...You sound so stupid..Telling me what to do..running you errants...you are ridiculous...You think just because you are my mom so you are the boss of me?? well... i don't know how much more of your crap i can take...You never seem to understand what i am going through even though i already told you that i am not you...You think just because i am your son...You think i am having the life that you are having when you are a teenager...Screw you...you never understand ..and never will...You will never ever understand...You bit*h...

Where Do i Go...

How long more do i have to wait ...It feels like i am being sucked into a wrap hole where there is no time and space..Only me alone and isolated in a square box...Being trapped by four walls...No where to run...No where to hide...No where to run....Just staying there until i am able to regain back control of my life...I am already a nihilist...I want it all back..But i cant get it back..Being stuck here..Not knowing which step to take...I may have great friends that support me all the way..But i myself cant bear the pain...the pain where i cant feel pain anymore..I want to feel..To be sad..To be truly happy at least for a day...To love again...How much more do i have to wait...How much more beating do i have to take to get it all back...I want to stay on...I just want to be part of you again..I want to wait..But i know if i do...I will lose everything..But what is there to lose..When i already have nothing to lose...

Love

Love revolves around a person,

To love, care and sacrifice for a reason.

For love we will do anything,

To avoid love from possibly fading.

For love we will trust and learn,

As well as to be occasionally hurt.

But isn't that what love is about,

To see your lover amongst the crowd.

We must know there are no conditions in love,

The limit is beyond the skies above.

To love forever and beyond always,

Is to cherish every single phase.

Love is not just a feeling,

It is an indescribable act of caring.

Those in love should know what it is like,

To give someone your entire life.

In the times of sorrows and darkness,

Your love will always be the brightest.

Love will always show you the way,

Even after our hair turns grey.

Nobody can ever search for love,

Love is a bond which is created from the stars above. 

A bond so strong it is unbreakable,

It is truly unmistakable.

When love is being torn and broken,

the words are always left unspoken.

To lose the one that is your soul,

Is to lose all your dreams and goals.     

I Don't Know If I can Take It

Damn it....Although good things comes with price tags...I cant bear this particular one...The price is so expensive..All the memories...All the fun..All the love..Gone just for this...Why ...I don't understand why should I do this..And yet i still do it for the sake of my future...Though it may alter the course of the future...The things that are all lost just for it..Is it worth it??Is it worth giving up for...It sounds stupid to give up everything just for a change of environment...Though it does help...I already feel that i am going to loos more than i can gain...Damn it...

To Great Friends

This is dedicated to my friends- Fong Yun and Joycelin who are leaving to Australia..It is sad to see you guys go...Please come back soon...This is a short poem i made up(supper short) for you guys...

Great friends are hard to find...

And letting them go makes me cry inside...

And thus i compose this short poem of mine...

In hope we will always be in each others minds...

Have a safe trip and may your dreams be fulfilled...

Life Revloves Around You

Everything points back to you...A word..A game..Studies..A message..It all points back to you...I cant let go of you no matter how hard I try...it is like you are the core..And i am trying to run away from the pull of the gravitational force...I cant do this anymore..I am trying to run away from things that are meaningful to me...Things that i love...I don't know what to do..I don't want to let go ...And yet i know if i don't ...I will be in this state for a very long time... But still..I think i need to hold on...Because i know that you mean everything to me...Until my heart gives up this fight...I will continue to surge forward ..In pursuit of your heart...Sorry if this annoys you..But this is my dream..To win back a place in your heart...

There Is Always A Price To Pay

There is always a price to pay for everything...A shirt...A plate of food...Education...Love...Life....Things in life are never free...And sometimes the price is hefty...To know the price is so great that sometimes it is not worth... It is devastating because you cant have the things that you want...Like a child begging his parents for a brand new toy..The feeling of not holding on to something because the price is to great..It kills me...Why should we care about the price..It we truly desire to obtain it..Then what stands in our way is nothing compared to the achievement that you can get...The go forward...Fighting back any obstacle to achieve our hopes and dreams...But sometimes people make the wrong choices and to top it all up, paying a great price...Then they regret" Why did i do this..For what purpose did i sacrifice so much for ".....Then when they realize what they actually get in return..They will be grateful for all the sacrifices they make...

Being Masochistic

To be masochistic is a feeling that some people like...To savour the pain and sufferings that are being inflicted day by day on your mind and body....It sounds so stupid and demonic...But there are people who are like that...The pain and sufferings reminds them of what they have lost...the cause of their lost...The feeling of grasping on something but to just let it slip...ETC.....At least there are memories of the things you adore the most to keep in your mind...Although it hurts...At least the feeling of being rooted to the thing you love the most is still there...I think the pain is worth to a certain extend...Although it cuts like a knife from dusk till dawn...day to day...second to second...To hold on...To fight on...Till the heart tells you to give up...Until that day...Those people will gather up their strength...Savour the pain...And fight on...

Feel Happy For Being Sad

This may sound weird...But it does happen...Feeling happy because you are sad...it is like...you feel sad because you know that you have done something wrong ...But also...you feel happy because you feel sad about your wrong doings( reread this if you cant catch the words)...This feeling can take over your entire thinking towards life..And also it can change the paradigm of your vision towards many situations...if this feeling is like remorse mixed with being proud...what kind of retarded feeling is this....This is driving me crazy...

Remorse

This feeling is a feeling that can take control of your entire body and soul...It makes you feel guilty of what you have done...whether right or wrong...although it it a bad feeling..it also makes you think and reflect back on what you have done...Although you feel the guilt...A part of you knows that you have done it for a reason...It hurts so bad to know that what you have done can effect another persons mind or even their life...It burns the desire to do it again..But the remorse will always eat upon your heart...until it is satisfied and it will go away..So the only way to make a remorse go away is to be patient and withstand the pain within.. 

Withstand

To withstand is to endure, to take the punches, to fight on although you know the battle is lost...To withstand is to endure all sufferings as they come at you one by one...Imagine...When you are being ruptured... You know the only way is to die...But somehow a motivation keeps you pushing forward... with your heart almost at a stop...With your feet buried into the ground..To be able to go forward at a situation like this..It is truly remarkable... I have yet to learn this remarkable skill..I wish to acquire it and put it to use right away..Because i already have my motivation to withstand most of the forces...

Resist

To resist is something not many people can accomplish... Example...can one resist the temptation to get a million dollars literally by just doing a small deed even if the money was being stolen...most people cant...To resist is to withstand temptation, pain, or even suffering for a long duration period of time...The out come of resisting MAY be good or bad...But the cost to pay for is high...Never the less...we sometimes resist because we know that the outcome will be a good one...

Dedication Post

This post is dedicated to those who was and still is my backbone...I don't know what would i do without you guys...You should know who you guys are...

YOU

Description-My life, my soul, my heart...You made me realize what i truly am today.. And i cant thank you enough for showing me that..Thanks for the love...there are things that cant be described but mere words...You are one of them...I am truly thankful for finding you...The things you showed and thought me..The love and care you gave ...It is beyond words...Thank you...

MY BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER

Description- You were the major back-bone of my secondary life...And in hopes you will still be my back-bone till my last breath..You are always there...Supporting me...Helping me up when i am down.. I can never have a brother from another mother like you...You showed me that life is not about being miserable..It is about being able to take the punches and still stand..Thank you...

MY DEAREST COUSIN

Description- You were there since my birth...Supporting me each strep of the way...If you were not there...I think i would have been smeared in crap...Thanks for the advice..The stories you tell me are truly wonderful...To have a cousin like you...It is something everyone would wish for...I know i don't say thank you well..But..I truly appreciate what you have done for me..Thank you...

MY APPRENTICE

Description- Bubbly and jolly every single day...A joyful soul...I envy it...Haha..Anyways...Even if you are my apprentice...I still learn much more from you then you have learn from me...The fact of staying on...The laughs we share are truly unforgettable...You showed me that life is not just about a few things..It is is about all the small things combined in one big ball...Thank you...

MY LONG KNOWN BEST FRIEND

Description-I knew you since primary...We were tight...You were always by my side as i have been for you...You cheered me up when i am down...Showed me alternatives when there are none...Although it is a little ridiculous...It is fun having you around...To know that even though we are a world of difference..You are always by my side...Thank you...

NEWLY KNOWN ACQUAINTANCES( You should know who you are)

Description-Even though i do not show...I love having you guys around..Having fun...Talking about school...Or just discussing about something...There is a warm presence that you guys have that warms me up ...Thank you...I am sorry that i am unable to repay my debt for you guys...I truly am sorry about that...

FRIENDS ( Just friends)

Sorry i did not have this special bond with you guys..As i said...I am not the kind of person who can adept..Please accept my apology..SORRY...

For those (Especially those who think that they are the "Friends" Category of mine...)...I am truly sorry ...you guys have done wonders for me..And i have not repay my debt...I know words can only take you that far...But from The bottom of my heart...sorry...

Being Proud!! Screw That!!

You call me proud...Screw you....Not saying hi to people..not saying good bye... not speaking to people...You think that is begin PROUD!!!?? idiot...I am trying to NOT let people like me exist..People like me don't have the ability to just "fit -in"...what do you think..i am god??!!You think i am trying to be proud..I am trying to avoid people so that the less they do not know about my existence the better( although humans want to be well-known...)...

Lies

To make lies is a good thing...It gives one advantages over another without getting yourself into trouble...But for me...when i lie( and i am very good at it...opps....cat is out of the bag)...It hurts...to know it is something not to be done...And yet i need to do it...It kills me inside...But what can i do...i have to lie for the sake of my own..(as explained on top)...Every lie that came out of my mouth...It feels like a hornet's sting on the lips...it feels so painful...can someone pull me out of here??!!

Lifeless

Feeling like i have no life...everyday is a repetition of movements and phases...Life is colourless and dull...Full of disappointments and very little happiness...Either a lost or a heart-breaking result...i cant take it... so many bitterness and yet so little sweetness...it seems so unbalanced...Repetitions of sadness everyday...this is so lifeless...No one can see the future...but i know if it keeps on going on like this...(i tried to stop...but i does not work...)my future will be dim and dull...This feeling comes everyday so many times that i am already used to it...OMG...the more days pass...the more emotionally distress i get...crap...

New Territory

Leaving behind the past and going to a new school.Not exactly my kind of plan...But what can i do...If i stay on ...I will be torn and ripped apart...I have no other choice...It feels lonely although i have friends there...I don't know why..Maybe it is because you are already gone...It feels so cold and dark...Even if i get the opportunity to interact with new friends...It feels different...Like i am losing something...I don't know why...This feels so empty and cold...Can someone out there pull me out of this dump...i cant take it much longer...

So Far Yet Still So Close

Every time i see...I discover more...Every time when i go on an emotional rage...When i do...Emotions run high...Tears flow till there is none...A mind filled with anger and devastation...To know the battle is lost...But to still rage on despite the meaningless efforts of just staying alive??!! That is totally stupid and retarded of me...Being a coward...Moving away from the bitter truth...Really isn't my style..But what can i do...I am already being bombarded by emotional cannon balls even when i am so far away...Imagine what would life be if i stayed...I would be torn and ripped apart...And plus having my two sides!! It will just add more pain and suffering... But I still wanna fight on.. I don't know why...It seems pointless... But i still want to hold on...If there is any assistance out there.. Please... I really need it...