It Is All Just An Act

It is all just an act..Trying to be happy when in reality i am not..Trying to be bubbly but on the inside..Felling sick and bad...Some say a habit is formed while trying to do something continously...Well...I hope that is true..I want to be happy and bubbly..Not just on the outside..But on the inside as well..I am bored of feeling bad...But i just cant let the feeling go..It keeps me sane..And it keeps me from going bananas...I cant let that negative feeling go...It is my source of sanity...And while on the outside..I try to be happy....On the inside...I don't...I want to be happy..And i will always keep myself in check..I don't want to lose this fight..And i will do all it takes...From keeping myself sane..To trying to be happy...And being all patient..To win this long lost race of mine...I will keep trying to act happy..In hopes this act..will eventually become my habit...And when that time comes...I hope that keeping myself sane..Does not require to be feeling shitty about myself anymore...